just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Randomize
