im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
