Little spoons don't ask big questions
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
