Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The uberlube is also flammable
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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