Jerry, you need to find god
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
