Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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