so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
