He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
