I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
