i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
