what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
