I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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