I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
