my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
