the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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