Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
