u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
