"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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