do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
