don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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