We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
