You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
