But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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