oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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