Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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