My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
