Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
