Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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