Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
