omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
