I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's like iHOP with fire
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
