he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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