i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize