yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
