I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize