Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I checked into jail on foursquare
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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