she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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