1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize