the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
