chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
