I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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