I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
