Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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