His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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