sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
