I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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