last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
