Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
