i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
