I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
