Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
