I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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