Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
