He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
