i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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