I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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