You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
