so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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