im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
