Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
