if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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