guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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