mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
