I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
