she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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