i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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