somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize