you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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