I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
